Funny Kids Jokes

2009-07-28T16:38:00.001-07:00

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

2009-07-28T16:36:00.001-07:00

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”

2009-07-28T16:34:00.001-07:00

Ozzie came home from school with a black eye and cut lips. His mother sighed deeply, “Oh, Ozzie, you’ve been in another fight.”
“But, Mom,” sniffled Ozzie, “I was just keeping a little boy from being beaten up by a bigger boy.”
‘Well,” said Mom, “that was brave. Who was the little boy?”
“Me, Mommy.”

2009-07-28T16:33:00.001-07:00

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

2009-07-28T16:32:00.001-07:00

A salesman telephone a household, and a four-year-old answered.
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Child: She is not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Child: My sister
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Child: I guess so.
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:
Child: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.

2009-07-28T16:31:00.001-07:00

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."

2009-07-28T16:28:00.001-07:00

Alfie had been listening to his sister practicing her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"That’s nice of you, Alfie," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"

2009-07-28T16:24:00.001-07:00

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember..."

2009-07-28T16:23:00.001-07:00

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

2009-07-28T16:22:00.001-07:00

What did the 0 say to the 8?

... Nice belt

2009-07-28T16:21:00.001-07:00

Why did the jellybean go to school? Because he wanted to become a smartie.

2009-07-28T16:18:00.002-07:00

"Dad, Can you write in the dark?"
"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."

2009-07-28T16:18:00.001-07:00

When a fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. “Do you take children?” the man asked.
“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”

2009-07-28T16:17:00.001-07:00

Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son opening the front door. She shouted, “Be careful on that floor, Jimmy; it’s just been waxed.”
Jimmy, walking right in, replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m wearing my cleats.”